Beginning to finding myself

I woke up this morning and decided it is time to voice my thoughts and my life.

I am Psychic. I have a variety of gifts. Angels talk to me, I see auras, and I can see spirits that travel with people. I am also pretty good at Tarot cards and I am Reiki certified. Sometimes I have visions of the past and sometimes I see the future. Most of time I just start talking and information just comes out about the person I am with or the situation. Among other things that just happen out of the blue.

I have been different my entire life.

When I was a young, my mother thought there was something wrong with me. I would stare off into space and act like I was talking to someone. Doctors all told her that I had a very active imagination. I have a secret, I was talking with someone. This was the point that my mother became scared of me. She sees me as a "Monster".

The whole "Monster" label really messed with me growing up. I continually denied who I am and who I was.

We moved to Utah. Land of the Mormons. They are the nicest people you will meet. I am not Mormon, that alone isolated and made me stand out. Try being psychic on top of that. I tried to fit in. I told no one what I saw or felt including my mother.

At this time my parents divorced and my mother remarried. She married a Mormon. He was not a very good Mormon. He was abusive which made my crazy mother abusive. I became a slave to them and their children. Hello Cinderella. He had 3 children, my mother had 3 children and they had 4 children together. I was the oldest.

I will admit that one of my gifts is to put thoughts into people’s minds. When I was younger I did not realize the law of free agency. Anyhow, I would mess with their heads. I would have them answer the phone before it rang, have the kids through toys against the wall and other little things that would make them think that they were crazy. I guess it was a release.

My mother became Mormon so that means we all became Mormon. I really enjoyed the social aspect, morals and the values that are taught. I love the whole Jesus redeemer thing, be honest in everything that you do and Love one another. No sex before marriage and you are sealed to your family for time and all eternity.

I don't like how they are hypocrites and do not follow their own morals and laws. They can be the most dishonest people I have ever met. They have so many children that they cannot take care of them financially or emotionally. The biggest thing I do not like is the elite mind set.

Back to my family. Being the oldest slated me to take the kids to church while my good Mormon parents stayed at home. My life consisted of chores, punishments and taking care of their children. I cannot remember one day in my childhood that I ever felt loved. I never knew if they would keep me or send me off to my dads. I was scared to leave my little sisters behind. My full blooded sisters. If they did not have me to hit and yell at, I was sure it would be handed down to my little sister.

I stayed as long as I could. I was very small, 5 ft 2 inch and only 90 pounds. I was sixteen and my step father through me down the stairs. He threw me so hard that it broke the banister. He started to blame me. He said that I jumped. I am scared of heights and stairs. There is no way in hell that I would jump. This upset my sister. She is 15 months younger than me. She jumped on him and started to hit him. She saved my life that day. I went to the basement where my room was. It was an unfinished basement where I had sheets hanging for walls. I sat on bed crying and bleeding. My mother came down and started to yell at me, "Why would I jump, was it to get attention"? Like I said she was crazy. She then slapped me so hard that blood went flying over the walls of my room. After a while she left. I crawled out of my window and walked 10 miles on the highway. I final reached my friends house. We did not have cell phones in those days. I stayed with her family for the next 8 months. I spent 4 days in bed from the incident. I was so sore that I could not walk. My family did not know where I was for a few months and I did noticed they did not look for me.

My father also remarried and was a little more stable. He was a very selfish man. He knew there was abuse going on and just didn't want to take the time to help. i love him but he was just another person in my life that was never there for me when I needed him.

I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. That is a cap of my sad little story. It made who I am today and I am very proud of myself.

Tomorrow I will write about my psychic stories throughout my