You are never alone

Have you ever sat back in ah of others? I have a tendency to sit back and judge myself by the accomplishments of others. I see these women that have accomplished so much. They raise 15 children, they are active in their church fulfilling many callings, they feed the homeless, they have started a business from scratch and now are making bundles of money, etc, etc.... I remember meeting with a woman with such great psychic powers and I have wonder what it would be like to be her.

It makes me feel very small and very unimportant.

Then I remind myself to take a step back. I have to evaluate my life and my accomplishments.

I have survived a very dysfunctional home. I raised 10 brothers and sisters. I have endured abuse at the hand of my mother and step father. I was the monster of their nightmares. With my birth came reality, responsibility and heart ache. Everyone and everything was more important than I was to anyone. I have never had anyone that I can trust or depend on. I was completely alone in a house hold of 12.

I still believe to this day that if I was not for my angels I would be dead. My angels raised me. In turn I raised my mother’s children from both marriages. Do you know not one of them will talk to me? My mother has convinced all of them that I am a monster. They are scared of me.

There are a lot of things that I could focus on and be depressed, just look at the world around us.

Count the many blessings in your life. If you can't find them ask someone around you. If they dont know ask your angels.

I remember when I was a teenager maybe 13 years old. I was exhausted. I had gone to school all day and then came home and did laundry, fixed dinner, cleaned the bathroom, did dishes and went to young women’s. Young women’s is a once a week meeting for girls between ages 12-18 to meet in a Mormon environment and have lessons about different religious subjects.

It was a beautiful lesson. At the end of the lesson my teacher handed out a book for each of us. I looked at the authors name and new that I would marry into that family. I went home and told my mother of my experience. She told me that there is no way to marry into this family because he only has daughters. I explained that I did not know how or why, but I will marry into his family.

Several years later, I would sneak into a dance club at the age of 16. You were required to be at least 18 and have identification to verify. For some reason I was never ID'd. If you saw me at age 16 you would have thought I was 12. I look very young for my years.

Any how I would go to the "Star Palace" every Thursday night for country dancing. One night I met this most amazing man. I did not know him; oh he was so handsome and funny. I have never heard anyone tell stories they way he did. I was gone, head over hills. I had never felt that way before, I just knew. He was the one.

I have to tell you I was very freaked out. My parents went through a bad divorce and here I am 16 and I knew. Over the years I had promised myself to never get married. You know the whole men are dogs’ thing. I was gone hook, line and sinker…

I never got a chance to meet him that night. Each week I would go dancing just to see him. I was too shy to introduce myself. He never once noticed me or talked to me.

One day after getting home from school, I received a phone call. "You do not know me" a deep voice said on the other end, "but I have noticed you and I would like to know you better. Do you have some free time tomorrow night"? "I have a truck and a tank of gas and I would like to take you out". I asked, "Who is this"? He laughed with the sexiest voice I have ever heard.

The next night came so quickly. I was so scared and excited at all the same time. He was so gorgeous and so kind, what a gentleman, he held open my door and always said thank you and please.... Ohhhhhhh heavy sigh. I was completely in love. 6 months later I married my sweetheart.

Would you believe, he was the nephew of the author of the book that I received 5 years earlier? I still feel in ahh of the wonderful man I was lucky enough to marry. He is my heart my everything.

I have nothing to envy, I am wonderful the way that I am. So are you. Thank you my angels for watching over me and guiding me.

The day and the life....

Last weekend I had a small women’s group over. As you see I am slowly coming out of the closet. I had invited likeminded people to just converse and speak freely about having special abilities. The rules are that you are safe and no judgment will be made.

We sat in my little living room which is now adorned with bookcases and books. I really should call it my library. Leather chairs and tables. Picture how Barnes and Noble use to look like. Very relaxing and calm environment. I had quite music playing in the back ground. I sat out water, crackers with cheese and chips with salsa. The scene was set.

As each lady arrived I did a personal Tarot reading. To be honest I am always amazed how close the readings come for each person and the things going on in their life.

Once we were a full group, I explained that I would like to set up a once a month meeting where people can come and discuss what is on their mind. I want the group to offer assistance, input or whatever is needed. This meeting was to cover the power of one person making a difference. The world is in turmoil and it is going to take likeminded people putting positive thoughts out into the collective to help heal society. I am not talking politics, I am talking human freedoms. No matter your belief system, we all need to open to positive thoughts about happiness, freedom and world peace.

I think that it is nice to have a support system.

During this meeting we focused on self awareness. I performed Reiki on each woman. I love Reiki, it is so calming and warm. It helps make you aware of yourself and address issues that have not come to the surface yet. By the end of the evening my arms were so hot, I had to sit on the cold front porch just to cool off. It is wonderful anytime that I get a chance to perform a Reiki treatment.

Within the next month I should have my second level Reiki training. I am so excited. I have the privilege of having a dear friend hand down the Reiki Symbol from a very old and honorable lineage. She is my Reiki Master. This woman is so amazing. What makes her so amazing is that she has no idea how intuitive that she is or how powerful her healing powers are. She gave me my first level Reiki attunement and certification. She told me that she was surprised how natural it was for me. What she did not understand is that if I could have one tenth of the healing power that she has I would be truly honored.

I think I let myself get over whelmed with the blog. For some reason I think that I have to write a novel or something. So I am giving myself a break. I will write what I feel when I feel it.

Make sure you meditate, stay focused and be open.

Autum is in the air

I love this time of year. I love to see the beautiful colors of fall. The harvest of pumpkins, fresh cut hay, leaves drifting down, and apples being made into pie, sauce, juice whatever your heart desire. Feeling the crisp clean air in your lungs is invigorating.

A few days ago it rained and rained cleaning the air. The air is clean, my car not so clean.

I ran around today doing all of the things that can’t be done during the work week. I got a massage at the massage school, went to breakfast with my dear girlfriend, washed my car, went to the pumpkin patch, and went to a charity fund raiser for "The Children’s Justice Center". I came home and put out bales of hay and put maybe 20 plus pumpkins through my yard. It looks wonderful.

This time of year means different things to different people. To me it is a mixed pot. I love autumn and the harvest. I also love the spiritual side of the pagan holiday, Day of the Dead or All Hallows Eve. The symbolism of the jack-o-lantern, the broom, the pointed hat of the witch, and the apple to name a few. These traditions have been around for a very long time. Hundreds of years they have been in place. Now Halloween is a time for children, joy, costumes and candy.

I recommend looking up the different symbols of Halloween. It is very interesting.

You know this is the time of year that my spirit seems to be at peace. Maybe it is because our loved ones that have passed away can come closer to our souls. Most people that I come into contact with say they love this time of year, it is so peaceful and starts the holiday season.

I think that your loved ones touch you, letting you know, on a different vibration, everything is going to be alright. There is a bigger plan. Have faith, they are watching over you. BOO!!

Meeting of the minds

Yesterday I went to lunch with 2 of my girlfriends. We went to a little Chinese place in downtown Provo. We haven't seen each other for months.

Hug, hug, kiss, kiss. We sat down and began to catch up on all of our life events. Her kids are doing this, my job is doing that and her husband is a good man. She went on vacation and her small son fall off the roof. What is your Chinese sign?

As I sat back and listened to my dear friends laugh and chat about the "spice of life" (the events that happen from day to day). I realized how wonderful it all is. LIFE. The ups and the downs. I could do this forever.

Chatting in our little booth, our food arrives. The food is beautiful. Truly feel blessed. Good food and good friends. Time flew by ever so quickly.

Before I knew it we randomly began talking about our gifts. One of my friends calls it her super power. Her super power is when she talks about a movie, within 3 days it will play on TV. My other girlfriends super power is she will think of a song and it will start playing on the radio. One of my super powers is to run into famous people.

We were laughing so hard. My stomach ached in pain as the muscle singed up with each giggle and outburst. I tried so hard not to laugh out loud, we all did. The flood gates broke all at the same time. A whirl wind of laughter came rushing out completely uncontrolled. People close to us began to join in. Before long it seemed that the entire restaurant was in the throes of laughter.

As I sat back and enjoyed the miracle of pure joy, I had a light bulb moment, how many people have the gift of a 6th sense. There are so many. They incorporate into their everyday life. No one seems to think much of it. Has our culture started to evolve to a higher vibration enough that things no longer make you different. No longer are you misunderstood. I have long believed that everyone has these same abilities in one shape or another. It kinda seems to me that they just deny these abilities.

I think the age of super powers is on us. Few recognize it, but many just expect it. How many times are you amazed when someone seems to know your thoughts? A friend calls you for lunch at a time in your life that you need a really good laugh. This was a true meeting of the minds. I recommended it.

Today was a good day in the psychic realm for me. As this time of year rolls around my heart longs for a mother’s love and understanding

I have a daughter. We are very close. We talk at least 3 times a day and usual many more times over the cell phone. She is away at school. She is very far away. I miss her.

I long for this same kind of relationship with my own mother. I do not understand why we cannot get a long and have fun and do things together. I know that she loves me in her sick twisted way. I also know that she hates me and thinks that I am a monster. I just miss what should have been. As an adult, I know all the psychology around it, but I think that my heart is kid like. I keep hoping that someday she will just love me. That she will love me like a normal person would love their daughter. Like, I love my daughter.

I have had several readings from a couple of different but talented women; they have all said the same thing. I did choose to come to this life and I choose my mother. Can you believe that I was that crazy in heaven to choose a childhood of torture? What was I thinking? I joke, but I truly wonder why I would do that to myself. Was I here for her to learn something from me? Was I placed there to help raise her children? Or was it to put in a place to receive my little family? I have to believe that there is a purpose. I could not handle it if there wasn't.

I know that I am meant to be here at this time and at this place. I have told one story how my angels saved me and my sisters from certain death. Here is a second story.

One day in my younger years, my mother had just divorced my father. We went into Salt Lake City or Ogden, I do not remember to visit one of her friends. Her friend had kids a little older than me and my younger sister. We were all bored, our mothers talked for what seemed like forever.

The kids of her friend asked their mother if they could take us over to the gas station across the street. She said yes, and then they asked my mother. My mother has always been a little over protective, they coxed her by saying that they go all of the time and it was very safe, to my surprise she said that we could go.

As we walked out of the door, we all were very excited and were chatting about what kind of candy we would buy. We walked a couple of blocks where we came to an 8 lane highway. It was a HIGHWAY!!! Safe!!! It is a highway!!! Whose brilliant idea was this? This is not across the street. I looked at my sister and I told her that we are not going to go. She was young and wanted to get her candy. They assured me that they do this all of the time and it is safe, you just have to run. At that they all took off and left behind on the other side of the highway.

I was young too, and did not like that I was left alone. They called for me to run. I wouldn't. A couple of the older kids ran back over to bring me over; they grabbed my hands and said to run. I ran. I passed the first 3 lanes, then 4, then 5, would you believe I fell flat on my face in the 6Th lane. I looked up, there was a gold color car heading right for me and all I could do is watch. The older kids ran to the side of the road. Everyone was yelling to get up, I couldn't move. I watched the other cars start to slam on their brakes; I could hear the squealing of their brakes. The car heading for me was not one of them. I do not know if the driver just did not see me or what, but he was not slowing down. I was frozen with fear. All I could think of was that I was going to get ran over and ... Before I could finish that thought, time slowed; I was picked up and carried to the safely to the other side. No I did not see anything, I do not remember floating, I just remember being safe and no one knew how I got to the side of road. I told them that my angels carried me and kept me safe.

With so much love and magic in the world it is astounding to me that people have a hard time believing. Some do not even believe in a higher power. How is that possible? You can feel the truth in your soul. We are all part of the greater collective.

Angels amoung us

I apologize that I have not written for a while. I suffer from a small medical issue. For the last 8 days or so my legs have been very painful. It was all I could do to survive the day with pain killers and getting into bed.

For those that don't know me, I have MS.

Actually, it is a great story how I found out. It also leads to the story where I am today with my MS. About 6 years ago, I started to get really bad dizzy spells. I went to the doctor many times. They ran blood test after test. My doctor thought that the dizzy spells and the extreme exhaustions was a problem with my thyroid. After several times of hearing that everything is normal, I gave up and prayed for guidance.

The next day my dearest friend from St George, UT called. She asked if I could come down for the weekend. She said that she had been learning a new skill; she was learning to heal using Reiki. She wanted me to come down to St. George so that she could practice on me. I had no idea what Reiki was, but I trust her and said that I would.

For those of you that do not know what Reiki is, it is energy work that helps heal the body and spirit. The energy worker uses their hands to identify and adjust the chakras of the body. This is a very general description of Reiki.
If you have never had Reiki performed on you, I strongly recommend it. It is like getting a hug from the inside out. It is wonderful and very relaxing. Try it you may like it.

Anyhow, back to my story. I went to St. George. My friend had me lay on a massage table outside under the stars. I was thinking what heck is she going to do to me. Will admit I was a little nervous.
She never physically touched me. She held her hands a few inches above my body and move in a clockwise motion. In my mind I was thinking that this is very weird. So I decided that I would trust her, so I let go and relaxed and allowed her to do her thing.

Ok, I was a non-believer. To my surprise, I could tell where her hands were. I could feel the heat (energy) of her hands at different points of my body. It was amazing to me how wonderful it felt. She was new at this. Once she got to the base of my neck she stopped. I was lying on my stomach. She said that she was seeing and feeling something foreign. She did not know what it was. She did recommend that I have the doctor look there.

I did, I went to a different doctor and explained that I think that something is at the base of my neck. I was sent to have an MRI performed.
On my 40th Birthday the doctor had me come in for my results. She sat me and my husband down and explained that I have MS. They could see several lesions at the base of my brain. The doctor explained that all of the symptoms that I am having are all know symptoms of MS.

Can you believe it? After months and months of testing and they could not find anything. It took a different prospective for my diagnosis.
She was my little angel.

The angels sent her to me so that I can get on with my life. I go to St. George regularly to have Reiki done. My doctors told me that everyone diagnoses with MS around the same time as me are all in wheel chairs. I just suffer from time to time with pain in my legs and extreme exhaustion, but no one outside of family and friends know that I have MS. I love my family, friends and my angels for all of the love and support that they give me.

Angels work through people. All of us can be an angel to someone in need. Have you ever been going through your day and all of a sudden someone just pops into your mind. You act on it and call them. They tell you that you called at the perfect time, when they needed you. Or sometimes you just happen to say the right thing for someone that makes their whole day. This is angels working through you to help other people. Listen. They will guide you. Do not be afraid to ask for help. They love to help and are waiting for you to ask. Just ask.

Ghosts, Spirits, or Angels.

What is the difference? I have no idea. So lets start with what I know. There is dark energy and there is light energy. A smart person once said that once energy is in motion stays in motion.

I have never seen a ghost. I am not sure what a ghost looks like. I have seen dark and light energy. I see angels and I can see the light of spirits while watching over their loved ones. I have never seen a ghost.

People, yes the live ones leave energy prints all of the time. Have you ever walked into a house and you knew instantly something had happened in that home.

I remember I went with my mother to house that she was hired to clean. We walked in. Instantly, I could feel the energy. I asked the lady of the home. Did someone die here? She gave me a funny look and did not answer me. I looked at my mom and told her that a young man had committed suicide in that house. Some months later my mom did find out the teenage son had committed suicide in the home. You always know. Some people think it must be a ghost. It is an energy print. Trauma leaves energy prints.

My aunt was special niece to one of her aunts. One night we were sitting outside with the sun setting in the background. We were talking about scary stories. When I was little I would always ask people if they saw ghosts. My Aunt proceeded to tell me about her aunt. My mother and her siblings did not have a very stable childhood. I think that they were spread out amongst the relatives.

I think this is why they were so close. Before her favorite aunt passed away she promised to always watch over her. Once the aunt passed, every night a rocking chair in her room would rock. She said that in the beginning she would get up to check to see if the windows were open or for some reason why the rocking chair would rock. She was never able to find one. She just knew that it was her aunt watching over her. Later as she grew older the rocking chair was not as active. She must not have needed to be watched over as much. They watch and take care of us, until we do not need them any longer. Then they watch from a distance.

Stories like this always fascinated me.

I remember a time when my sister-in-law and I were hanging out. I had just given her and Angel music box. I was helping her decide where to put it in her bedroom. We were chatting and laughing. We were having a great time. She was in the corner of the room. She bent down, but as I watched, her shadow did not bend down the same time as she did. It delayed about a minute. Then the shadow bent down. I jumped up. It was a shadow. I have never seen anything like this before. I did not know what to make of it. It kind of scared me.

She did not see anything. We talked about it. It was nothing more than her energy print. Nothing scary, just took a minute to catch up. She was so happy, because I gave her this beautiful Angel. She has had a rough life. People do not usually do nice things for her randomly. I sure love her, she is a good person that does for so many.

I know that I have talked to many different people that claim to have seen ghosts. I guess I am one of the few that has not had the privilege. I have a dear friend that her and her husband have a camera that picks up on the energy of ghost. One day I may be brave enough to go with her to see if I will see ghost.

I really try to focus on the positive and light. Maybe that is why. Are ghost dark? Or the spirits I see are they ghost and I just do not know it? I guess time will tell.